Diary Of A Dieter
By Marie Coulson
Genre: A British Contemporary Romantic Comedy
Release Date: August 2013
Curvy girl, Charlene Winters, had it all: the great career, wonderful friends and a dreamy fiancé.
With her wedding day just three weeks away, Charlene is dealt a devastating blow. Suddenly finding her life, hopes and plans in tatters, the jilted bride sinks into despair and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough. With the heartache of her fiancé’s infidelity still fresh, Charlene’s whisked away by her friends on a life-changing holiday. But how will this big fish cope now that she’s back in the dating pond and surrounded by slender trouts with Botox lips?
Frustrated by best friend Adam thwarting her attempts at romance, and her girls Vanessa and Dana eager to set her up with a boy toy, Charlene decides the time for change is upon her. What she needs is a change of scenery, a change of dress size and maybe, a change of heart.
And then it dawned on me. If Brad wasn’t getting off on my jelly parts, then whose jelly mould was he filling instead?
“Oh. My. God. Who is she?”
Adam had taken a seat on my pastel pink sofa and his eyes were burning into me as I held my breath, waiting for the reply.
“What? What do you mean who is she?”
I snorted a laugh.
“Now who needs to be honest? I’m not an idiot Brad. You’re not fucking me and I know you aren’t self-pleasuring. We both know how you hate the mess and all. So don’t bother pretending like you’re not screwing some skank. I should probably get fucking tested. Do you keep your clothes on with her to avoid all the icky sex sweat too?”
That seemed to just make him angry.
“She is not a skank!”
I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Oh the arsehole-ism knows no bounds! Not only was I jilted, dumped and fat, but I was also cheated! Merry Christmas Charlene!
“You dick! You complete and total dick! How long!? Who is she? I have a right to know!”
He sighed deeply in a self-pitying way as though it were hard for him to speak. Pfft. He’d get no sympathy from me. He’d given me a ring and now I would give him the finger. Metaphorically speaking of course.
I turned around and held my hand over the receiver as I snapped at Adam.
“Shhh. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of being crushed? Can’t a girl get dumped in peace anymore?”
He made a gesture as though he were zipping his mouth shut and leaned back in his seat.
“She’s a woman from work. We went out for drinks one evening after work. We were celebrating a huge win on a case. One thing led to another and…”
“And you had a minor memory lapse in which you forgot you were engaged!? You are such an asshole!”
“I never meant for it to happen, Charlene. It just did. I’m sorry and I would have preferred you to have never found out but I couldn’t marry you when I’m in love with Aneska.”
The skank had a name. Aneska. Sounded like some sort of medicinal cream you rubbed on a bad nappy rash or irritation. Right now, that’s exactly what she was. A pain in my arse!
“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.”
“Please try to understand, Charlene. I’m doing this for both of us.”
“Oh, how silly of me. I should have thanked you for shagging your colleague. It was such a wonderful and sweet gesture for you to make. It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever have asked for. Truly. But next year, I’d love for you to stick your dick in a live plug socket! It’ll leave you just as shocked and burning as I am right now! It would be the best gift ever.”
I cast my eye at Adam who had crossed his legs and cleared his throat a little. He was clearly imaging how that sort of connection might feel. Shame Brad couldn’t have done the same. If he’d have kept his fucking legs crossed, I wouldn’t currently want to hack his dick off with a rusty kitchen knife. Meat and two veg, coming right up!
Born and bred in England, Marie discovered her love for writing when she was a mere child. Beginning with poetry and short stories, she soon discovered her flare and passion for the written word.
After pursuing a career in childcare, education and the care of the elderly, she left her job in the summer of 2012. Embarking on a new career as a therapist, it was at this point that she finally sat down to write a novel that had been plotted for nearly three years. Only three months later…Bound Together was born.